


Blood. There's Blood on Your Hands.

by Cal Rand (FireSprayProto)



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Everything Hurts, F/F, Fall to the dark side, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 10:08:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4517796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireSprayProto/pseuds/Cal%20Rand
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Ahsoka flashed her a toothy smile. “You should try dual wielding some time.”</em><br/><em>“Wh-what?!” Barriss raised a single, black brow. “I couldn’t possibly. Ahsoka, I don’t know where you get these ideas—”</em><br/>Or: Barriss’ dual-wielding fall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blood. There's Blood on Your Hands.

“Have you ever met a Sep’ boy?”

Barriss shook her head, her eyes still directed at the essay Ahsoka had insisted she help her with. It wasn’t the first time Ahsoka had woken her in the middle of the night, and Barriss was certain it wouldn’t be the last.

“I suppose when I was young, I met Count Dooku,” Barriss said flatly. “If you consider him a _boy_ ,” she added.

Ahsoka groaned and slumped against the wall. No doubt the neighboring room would have heard the noise. “According to Anakin, Dooku is hardly a _man._ He’s a coward, a _Sith_ , a…Barriss?”

“Yes?”

“I met one.”

“One what?” Barriss had found _another_ syntax error in Ahsoka’s essay. It seemed she was sticking true to her usual routine: write the essay in one night, have Barriss proof and edit it, turn it in the next day.

“I met a Separatist boy. On Raxus Secundus…”

Barriss’ eyes shot up, eyeing Ahsoka inquisitively. _What did you do now, Ahsoka,_ she thought. “Oh?” she said, doing her best to maintain a relaxed face.

Ahsoka shrugged her shoulders and let her head fall forward slightly in a guilty fashion. Barriss hadn’t seen her for a few months now; Ahsoka and Master Skywalker were always off on grand adventures, not that she and Master Luminara did not have grand adventures of there own, but “Skywalker and Tano” were the ones who were always the talk of the Temple. “Unduli and Offee” would never be on a Holonet headline—Unduli maybe, but _Offee_? Never.

“Senator Amidala and I...we…” Ahsoka sat on the ground in front of Barriss’ meditation altar. “We went to Raxus. I used my neutral system access to get there from Mandalore.”

“You went behind enemy lines? Ahsoka that’s so dangerous...you could have been killed!” Barriss scolded. She wasn’t angry, but she was concerned that even Ahsoka would take such a bold risk.

“ _But,_ ” Ahsoka said, and shot straight back up to her feet. “I wasn’t!”

Barriss groaned and for the first time noticed a _second_ lightsaber swung from Ahsoka’s belts. It was shorter than her main saber. A shoto. She hadn’t noticed it earlier, distracted by how grown up Ahsoka seemed to have become. She had traded in her old uniform and now sported a dark-red—nearly backless, _stars_ —tunic, matching arm bands, brown fingerless gloves, red lightsaber belts with a purple sash with Togruta patterning on it, dark grey leggings with diamonds cut out on the sides, and a pair of standard issue brown boots. Since she last saw Ahsoka, the Togruta’s lekku and montrals had slightly elongated as well.

“And for that, I’m grateful,” Barriss smiled, still believing her friend absolutely ridiculous for taking such an unnecessary risk.

“You’d miss me too much,” Ahsoka said teasingly.

It was true.

Ahsoka continued her tale about the son of a Separatist Senator—Lux Bonteri—and how it opened Ahsoka’s eyes to how there were _people_ , every day, ordinary, average people in the Confederacy of Independant Systems that believed wholeheartedly in Dooku. They loved him and would fight willingly for their independance. They hadn’t been _bought_ and _grown_ for war, but volunteered. She mentioned that Bonteri’s father—the late husband of Senator Bonteri—was killed by clone troopers as a result of his Separatist servitude.

Barriss shuddered slightly, gently putting down Ahsoka’s datapad before she starting editing the concluding paragraph. She had thought about it before, how there were living, breathing beings that _chose_ to be part of the Confederacy. Not _droids_ , but actually _beings_. The thought first crossed her mind at the beginning of the war, on Geonosis. She had killed before. In the past decade Jedi often had to resort to violence at an alarmingly increasing rate in order to survive an encounter with an armed assailant.

It had been devastating to her the first time: a Weequay pirate who had his blaster trained on her and Master Luminara. He shot at her and reached for her lightsaber, she instinctively tried to destroy his weapon, but he stepped too close to her, and her lightsaber cut through his head. She had cried in Master Luminara’s embrace for what seemed like hours. Perhaps they were hours, it was so long ago, and it wasn’t the tears that Barriss remembered; it was the smell of cauterized flesh. She had smelt the same thing on Geonosis, where she had cut down dozens of Geonosians, barely escaping with her life. And again, her second time on Geonosis. Of course, then, she had had Ahsoka with her.

Thinking about it again, how Jedi could be capable of such things...it made Barriss sick.

But it was war time.

War made Barriss sick.

Ahsoka didn’t make Barriss sick, Ahsoka made Barriss’ skip breaths.

Again she eyed Ahsoka’s new lightsaber. “When did that happen?” she asked, pointing at it.

“Oh this?” Ahsoka unhooked her shoto from her belt and ignited it with a snap-hiss. The lightsaber glowed a bright yellow, the same color as the Temple Guard’s saberstaffs. “It was after I went to Alderaan with Senator Amidala. Anakin and I were sparring and he said he wanted to practice dueling with Jar'Kai so that I could be prepared the next time we faced Ventress,” Ahsoka nearly spat the Sith Acolyte’s name. “He was _really_ good. But I was better,” she smirked. “He told me we were going on a surprise mission and when we got to the surprise, it was Ilum.”

“That’s quite the surprise,” Barriss nodded, hanging on to every last one of Ahsoka’s words.

“It really was. Ilum was amazing. I’d never seen anything like it before. I mean,my Gathering on Devaron was amazing too, but Ilum was a whole new brand of amazing,” Ahsoka said.

That reminded Barriss, she was leading a cohort’s Gathering on Ilum next week. The thought spread a soft smile across her face.

“Anyways,” Ahsoka continued, “he said he wanted to ‘test a theory’ and sent me into the caves. I didn’t understand at first, I already had a lightsaber. But then I heard my crystal. It sang to me, Barriss! I eventually found it and when I got back he said,” she began to mimic Master Skywalker and let her voice drop into its lowest octave, “Snips! I was right! _Like always._ You were meant to build a second lightsaber! Let’s get back to the Temple right away! Obi-Wan is going to be so jealous that I got a dual-wielding padawan!”

Barriss suppressed a laugh. “You shouldn’t talk about your master that way, Ahsoka.”

Ahsoka shook her head, laughing back into her normal voice. “He mocks me all the time. It’s just what we do.”

Barriss shook her head and picked Ahsoka’s datapad back up. One more paragraph, and she could send Ahsoka on her way and get some sleep before their morning classes began. She had to be up extra early because even though she didn’t officially have a shift in the Halls of Healing until the evening, she wanted to run rounds in the morning to check on all her patients.

“Hey,” Ahsoka said, coming over and sitting practically on Barriss’ lap, but not actually _touching_ her. Barriss had a rule about unnecessary touching. It wasn’t that she minded _Ahsoka’s_ touch, but she generally did not enjoy too much physical contact with many beings. Master Luminara and Ahsoka were of course exceptions to this—and many younglings. Nothing traumatising had ever happened to her, it was just the way things were.

“Yes?” Barriss asked, looking up from the datapad. _Ahsoka’s never going to finish this essay,_ she thought.

Ahsoka flashed her a toothy smile. “You should try dual wielding some time.”

“Wh- _what?!_ ” Barriss raised a single, black brow. “I couldn’t possibly. Ahsoka, I don’t know where you get these ideas—”

The rest of Barriss’ sentence was cut off by the persistent Togruta: “Oh _come on_ , Barriss. You’re way more advanced than me. You can totally do it.”

Barriss let out a sigh of defeat. Practicing with dual wielding couldn’t hurt her. Right? At any rate, if she ever came face to face with Asajj Ventress, she’d be prepared for her.

* * *

 Ahsoka’s shoto slipped out of her hand, deactivating and sliding to the edge of the square-shaped sparring ring. She flipped backwards and landed out of the way of one of Barriss’ lightsabers.

“Good!” Ahsoka called out to her friend. “Now press the assault,” she instructed her.

Barriss hesitated at first, then did as told and came at Ahsoka. First a blue blade struck against Ahsoka’s own green one—a strike which she parried. A kick found it’s way into her stomach, and she dodged the second blue blade. Barriss’ lightsabers came down together in one sweeping motion from the same angle, allowing Ahsoka to bring her own blade up to not directly intercept, but change the direction of their strike, allowing them to fall harmlessly to the side of her shoulder.

Barriss attempted another spin kick, but Ahsoka quickly moved out of the way, making a conscious effort to not try and slice off Barriss’—long, athletic—leg.

“I like what you’re doing with your feet,” Ahsoka huffed, reaching out her hand, allowing her shoto to fly back into her hand. She ignited it and held it in her usual reverse Shien grip. “Remember, use your weapons as a pair. Use their similarities to give you the advantage. You _know_ your weapons, your enemy doesn’t. But also acknowledge their independance. Even though they are part of a whole, like Jedi, they retain their individuality.” Or at least, that's what Yoda had told her when he walked in on her and Anakin sparing the first time Ahsoka had done so with her shoto.

“Shouldn’t she be instructing you? She is the senior padawan, after all,” Rylis —a Lethan Twi’lek, one of Ahsoka’s cohort, and the owner of the other lightsaber Barriss was using—said, eyeing Ahsoka from his seated position against the wall.

“She’s the expert,” Barriss acknowledged, extending one lightsaber in front of her, the other to her side. “She’s been doing this longer and she’s actually met Ventress.” She attacked, but Ahsoka had been anticipating it and parried easily before striking towards Barriss’ left leg with her shoto.

“And Grievous,” Ahsoka added, smirking. “But even I can’t wield four lightsabers, though.” She crossed her sabers in an X to block against Barriss’ over-the-head attack.

“I’m sure Master Yoda could,” Rylis interjected. “But by way of the Force, of course.”

“The Force? Of course! Of course, the Force, Force the course!” Ahsoka sang, deliberately off-key in an attempt to distract Barriss. She was _really_ good at Jar’Kai. And this had only been their fifth session.

Barriss spun again, catching Ahsoka’s shoto against her—Rylis’—lightsaber and forced it out of her hand before landing a kick square in Ahsoka’s stomach, sending her flying to the edge of the ring. Her lightsaber clattered to the floor as it deactivated. Barriss deactivated her own blades and hooked her hilt on her belt, and tossed Rylis his, before coming over to Ahsoka and offering her hand.

“Sorry about that,” Barriss said, sincere guilt in her voice.

Ahsoka took her hand. “Hey it’s not like you’re deliberately trying to hurt me. It’s just sparring. I know you’d never try to actually hurt me,” she smiled as she used Barriss’ arm to lift herself up onto her feet once more.

“I still don’t understand why you won’t let us do this with training sabers…” Barriss commented, walking towards Rylis where a bottle of water awaited both combatants.

“Anakin says it doesn’t feel like the real thing,” Ahsoka explained, using the Force to beckon her towel to her. She gently dabbed her forehead and then let it drape over her shoulder.

“The real thing could possibly kill you,” Rylis said, folding his arms over his chest.

“Exactly! You have to be prepared,” Ahsoka shot back. She beckoned both her lightsabers to her and hooked them again on her belt. “And if I lose a limb,” she put an arm around Barriss’ shoulders—she didn’t tense, a good sign. “I have _dependable Barriss_ here to use her healing specialties and put my arm back where it’s supposed to be.”

“It doesn’t exactly work like that—” Barriss had started, but was interrupted by Ahsoka’s finger to her lips.

“I have faith in you. If I ever lost a limb,” she brought her free hand up to her right lek, “or a lek, you could sew it back on and make it good as new!”

“Is there anything dependable Barriss can’t do?” Rylis asked, tossing Ahsoka her bottle of water. She caught it with ease and uncapped it with her teeth.

“I suppose, say, if someone cut off all your limbs, I’d have a hard time re-attaching all of them myself before the tissue would no longer accept such a procedure and you’d have to choose whether you wanted to walk again on your own legs or have your own arms. Either way you’d be in recovery for some time adjusting to the use of artificial limbs,” Barriss said, flatly. Ahsoka had spit out the water she had nearly swallowed. Rylis’ jaw hung open. It appeared to have been a joke when Barriss started to laugh uncomfortably.

“Well. If that did happen,” Rylis grinned, “I could always build you a super suit made out of lightsaber-resistant metal. You’d be unstoppable!”

Tech was kind of his thing.

“She wouldn’t need a full on suit unless she received severe damage to the lungs and that would most likely occur via burning. Don’t be silly, Rylis. If Ahsoka lost all her limbs, she’d simply receive prosthetics like Master Skywalker,” Barriss declared. She then had an uncomfortable expression plastered across her face and moved out from underneath Ahsoka’s arm. “By the Force I hope that doesn’t happen though.”

Ahsoka was about to respond before Luminara and Rylis’ Master, Coleman Kcaj.

“As I said, Master Kcaj, the Padawans could be found training as they said they were going to,” Luminara said.

“Master!” Rylis moved into a stiff bow, similar to the kind of curtsy Barriss usually gave.

“Hey Master Luminara, Master Kcaj,” Ahsoka smiled as Barriss, yep, she kriffing did it, _that curtsy._ It was cute though. No. Cute wasn’t the right word. Alluring? No. _Ahsoka, focus_ , she thought.

“I’m afraid, my padawan and I have been deployed to provide support to Master Etray’s forces. You’ll have to resume your sparring another time,” Master Kcaj informed them. “I’ll wait for you in the hangar bay, young one. Knight Tutso Mara will be accompanying us as well.” And with that, the Ongree master was gone as fast as he appeared. According to Rylis, he disappeared often, nobody really knowing where he went or what happened to him...

Rylis nodded at his master’s words and clasped Ahsoka’s bicep, giving her a wink. “While I’m gone don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“I won’t,” she smiled.

He looked past her at Barriss, who was now chatting with Luminara, but she could tell it was Barriss he was looking at by the smug look on his face. “On the other hand,” he added. “Feel free to do even what I wouldn’t,” he smirked.

Ahsoka’s eyes went wide at his insinuation and she shoved him—gently, compared to what she was capable of. “ _Shhhh_. Go on now, laserbrain, before you say something we’ll _both_ regret.” The Twi’lek nodded and left after his master.

Ahsoka let out a breath of relief and turned towards Luminara and Barriss.  
“Barriss tells me that you two have been working on honing her Jar'Kai skills,” Luminara said, a kind smile on her face.

“We have. She’s actually quite good,” Ahsoka’s said. “She’s not there yet, but she could might be able to give Ventress a run for her money one day,” she added, alluding to the time she and Luminara side by side fought the Sith banshee.

Luminara nodded, took her lightsaber hilt from belt and handed it to her apprentice. “I’d love a demonstration,” she informed them.

Ahsoka grinned and threw her towel and water at the edge of the room. She used the Force to amplify her jump into the ring and activated both her sabers, falling into an opening, defensive stance. “Let’s do this.”

* * *

* * *

 The Archives housed the largest collection of information in the galaxy at large. Among these various texts were several patrons either researching for pleasure or by need. Ahsoka, however, was on a mission to find a single padawan. And as expected, she was sitting at a desk near the Holocron Vault.

“Barriss!” Ahsoka called out, her voice sounding a lot more tired than she thought it would. Luckily, it allowed for her beckon to not be loud enough for someone to “shush” her.

The Mirialan looked up from her computer terminal and her eyes went wide and Ahsoka saw a bright smile take up the majority of the lower half of her face. “Ahsoka!” Barriss said in an excited whisper. She rose from her seat—pushed in her chair—and came over to hug her friend.

It had been so long since they had seen each other. Before Lola Sayu. Before Felucia and...Wasskah.

“How are you? You look…” Barriss stepped back, taking in the sight of Ahsoka. “... _dirty_.” She wiped her hands off on her skirt and began to brush away the dirt on her shirt.

Ahsoka grinned guiltily. She hadn’t been up to her quarters yet after arriving back to the Temple. First of all, Anakin wanted a debrief, then the Council, but finally—and after having already checked Barriss’ quarters and the Halls of Healing—she made it down to the Archives; to Barriss.

“Kinda got abducted by Trandoshans,” Ahsoka nonchalantly said. Barriss’ mouth tightened. “No big deal. Stopped their illegal kidnapping and hunting games.” Barriss’ eyebrows drew together. “Also, not a big deal.”

“Clearly…”

Ahsoka forced a small laugh and sat on the desk Barriss had been working at. “So what’s new around here? How’s the dual-wield practicing going?”

“You got kidnapped by Trandoshans and that’s the first thing you want to talk about—”

“Oh and I saved two younglings who had _also_ been abducted,” Ahsoka adding, proudly crossing her arms.

Barriss sat in her chair. “Metaphysical Force-realms, forcing your way onto a stealth mission to break into a Separatist prison...I...I overheard Master Kenobi tell Master Luminara. Getting _kidnapped_ by _Trandoshans_ …” Barriss shook her head and looked up at Ahsoka with what Ahsoka could only read as astonishment. “You are going to get yourself _killed_.”

Okay, maybe not astonishment.

“Hey, but I haven’t yet. So, I’ve got that going for me,” she grinned and decided to press further on Barriss’ end of the catch-up. Ahsoka wanted to get her mind off Wasskah. Off of Kalifa and Jinx and O-Mer. No need to dwell on so much...death. “So that dual wielding…” She shrugged her shoulders, her lekku moving slightly as a result.

Barriss sighed. “Well. It’s going well. Master Luminara is quite impressed, actually. She says my dual style seems to resemble a mix of my old style while adopting some of yours...which she says is somewhat like Ventress’,” she explained.

Ahsoka smirked. “Maybe one day the two of us will face her. Four lightsabers versus two!”

“That’s highly unlikely. No one has seen Ventress for months. Your own Master reported her dead at the Battle of Sullust.”  
It was true, Anakin had said she probably died there. Too many exploding ships, and they hadn’t found her body in the aftermath, figuring it was disintegrated. Officially, she was a casualty of that battle. But, Ahsoka had this feeling that told her the hairless harpy was still crawling along out there somewhere.

“I guess,” Ahsoka finally said. She absentmindedly tapped her shoto and looked at her boots. They still had dried dirt and mud crusted on them. Madame Jocasta would not be pleased at all if she saw her tracking this stuff into the Archives.

“You said you met some younglings.” Great. “Who are they?” Barriss asked.

“O-Mer and Jinx. You know them?”

Barriss’ eyes lit up. “O-Mer and Jinx? They’ve been missing for some time now. They’re part of the cohort whose Gathering I chaperoned. I’m glad you brought them home,” she smiled.

Ahsoka nodded. “Yeah.” _I just couldn’t help Kalifa...if you’d been there, Barriss._ No. She wouldn’t wish that on Barriss. She wouldn’t wish that experience on anyone.

“I wonder what will happen to O-Mer.”

“What?”

“Well his master took another apprentice. I’m not sure what the protocol there is…”

Ahsoka shrugged her shoulders. Barriss must have noticed how uncomfortable she was becoming with the subject.

“Are you okay? Did something else happen there?” she asked, reaching out her hand and tenderly placing it on Ahsoka’s knee.

“There was this other youngling...Kalifa—”

“Oh Kalifa! I know her. Fiery young one. How is sh—” Ahsoka’s eyes began to well with tears that she wiped away with the back of her hands. “She didn’t make it did she?” Barriss queried.

Ahsoka shook her head and let out a deep sigh and put her hand over Barriss’.

Barriss didn’t say anything.

They stayed like that for several minutes, silent.

“And Lola Sayu? I heard the mission was successful,” Barriss paused momentarily before continuing, “beyond the tragic loss of Master Piell.”

“Yeah,” Ahsoka breathed. It had been tragic, when Master Piell died. She heard his last words, carried out his final wishes. All so that the war could press on. Not that she didn’t believe that it was important, the information was important, the mission was important. She only thought that a Jedi deserved better than battlefield death. They were stronger than that... “Hey,” she whispered.

“Hey,” Barriss responded in the same whispered tone.

“Remember what I told you about Mortis?”

Barriss nodded. Ahsoka was glad she remembered, it was somewhat of a better memory than Lola Sayu and Wasskah. At least by comparison.

“I want us to find some place like that. Some amazing, wonderful Force-imbued world. Something fantastically colorful,” she explained.

Barriss giggled. She’d never call it a “giggle” herself, but Ahsoka deemed it so. “Felucia is like that,” Barriss said.

_Felucia,_ Ahsoka thought. Three times she’d been there. _All roads lead to Felucia._ “Maybe after the war we can become farmers on Felucia,” she said.

“Perhaps. I’m not sure if my abilities would be best suited there though. After the war there will still be thousands of refugees and sick who will need my help. Our help,” Barriss lamented.  

“Of course,” Ahsoka said quickly. “But after that I guess. I don’t know. I don’t know what we’ll do after the war.”

“That’s what I want to do. To help. I’ve had so much time to think about it since we were on Geonosis. I need to help people, Ahsoka. I want the fighting to stop,” Barriss confided.

Ahsoka nodded. She wasn’t entirely sure the fighting would ever stop, but it was a pleasant thought. She smiled and Barriss returned the smile. Ahsoka’s long, orange fingers gently tapped her shoto again and remembered how long it had been since they sparred.

“Hey do you wanna spar?” she asked.

Barriss looked perplexed and looked at the chrono display on her computer terminal. “Ahsoka it’s twenty-three hundred hours. We can’t use the dueling rings…”

“Sure we can,” Ahsoka grinned and leaped off the desk. “It is open all hours.”

“Yes but we should get sleep,” Barriss said, standing.

“If I hadn’t come down here, you’d still be doing whatever you were doing,” Ahsoka said, crossing her arms. “What were you doing?” she inquired.

Barriss sighed. “Doesn’t matter. We’re going to spar.”

“Yes!” Ahsoka exclaimed, then clasped her hand over her own mouth. She looked around, confirming she didn’t disturb anyone. “Come on!” She took Barriss’ hand and began to lead her out.

“Fine. But you’re showering after this…”

“Gladly,” Ahsoka agreed.

* * *

 There were not many Jedi circulating the Temple at this hour, and none in the sparing rings. Barriss had insisted upon not waking anyone else to supply her with a second saber, that they should simply use training sabers—Ahsoka refused, insisting Rylis would be up working on something. He was.

He watched them now, Barriss using his lightsaber as her offhand.  

The two Jedi moved in such a way that could be mistaken for a beautiful dance, parrying and flipping and spinning. Ahsoka had entertained the idea of turning out the lights, casting the room into a relative darkness. There was still light coming from Galactic City seeping in from the edges of the curtains covering the vast windows. Aside from that, there were Barriss’ and Ahsoka’s lightsabers, wide flashes of green, yellow, and blue light clashing and swinging.

Only briefly would he get a glimpse in one of their faces, an arm, a lekku. Unlike their past matches, this time they were silently admiring each other’s strength, the only sounds coming from them being the not-so-occasional grunt—usually Ahsoka, Barriss had a nasty kick.

Rylis didn’t bother putting up a defensive shield in case they came near him, they were too enthralled with the other. If it weren’t for their differentiating lightsaber colors and Ahsoka’s reverse-grip style, it would be difficult to make out which combatant was which. They moved almost like mirrors, almost. Ahsoka’s movements were a distorted version of Barriss’ due to her own style. Barriss’ own movements were quick and efficient, never giving Ahsoka a solid opening.

It was more than watching Ahsoka and Barriss duel, more than Commanders Tano and Offee honing their skills for the battlefield, even more than padawan and padawan practicing forms passed on by their respective masters. It was art. Two twins demonstrating an example of dualistic cosmology in the universe.

If Rylis had his holocam with him, he would have recorded the duel.

Every time green and yellow came striking, blue would be there to intercept. Whenever a blue blade spun to an unprotected flank, yellow would block creating sparks that only lightsabers striking against each other could create. A wayward kick, a spin, a summersault resulting in blue blades disappearing, only to reactivate seconds later on the other side of the ring, charging towards yellow and green.

It was one of the most remarkable things Rylis had ever seen. He briefly wondered if duels with dark siders were like this. Everything he had ever learned about the dark side was made out to be ugly and twisted. The dark side couldn’t be like this. This was beautiful. This was Barriss and Ahsoka. Two of the brightest glows in the light side of the Force; two powerful ententities testing their strength against each other. They were evenly matched. Only a gross display of the dark side would tip the scale. He wondered if they’d ever tire out, if one of them would slip up for one moment. It seemed as if that would never occur, that they would go forever; four brilliant lights in the darkness, two spectacular displays of Jedi.

* * *

* * *

 “You will get back in the cockpit right now, Padawan!”

“No!” Barriss was screaming. She was thankful only minimal numbers of clones were present. Most of them were either currently engaged in the space battle or were on the ground. Seven Jedi had been committed to this fight. Masters Kenobi, Skywalker, and Tiin, and another Knight Barriss was unfamiliar with were on the ground. Barriss and Ahsoka had been commanding the space battle alongside Master Pong Krell, who was now _also_ yelling.

“It is your _duty!_ You will get back in that cockpit now or so help me!” Master Krell bellowed.

“Or so help you what? What are you going to do to me?” Barriss stood strong. She had never defied a direct order like this. She thanked the stars that Luminara wasn’t here to see her. “It is my duty to protect people and I am not doing that here!”

Master Krell came very close to her, forcing her to back up until she was practically sitting on her Delta-7B _Aethersprite_ -class light interceptor. The Besalisk crossed his upper arms and put his lower set on his hips, fingers caressing his massive saberstaff clubs. “Padawan Offee, might I remind you that your _duty_ is to the Republic. Not some pacifistic crusade you appear to be set on. If you will not get back in your cockpit and into the sky, then you will go down to the surface and aid Master Kenobi. That is a direct _order!!_ ” His yellow eyes seemed to look past Barriss, through her, as if she was merely a tool to be used. As if he was using her as a brush to paint blood over the battlefield.

“There are too many dying out there to call this victory! Too many souls being absorbed into the cosmic Force!”

“Who, the Umbarans? They are your enemy, Padawan! As for the clones, I hardly believe they have ‘souls’ as you put it. Their deaths are the price of victory, something I would hope you’d understand by now!”

Out of the corner of her eye, Barriss could make out a familiar red and white colored _Aethersprite_ coming in for a landing. She looked Master Krell directly in the eye and brought her brows together into a deep frown. “I will not go out there and _kill_ innocents!”

“They are hardly innocents. They are Separatists and not worthy of the respect you place upon them!”

“They are _sentient beings_ , Master Krell!” she pointed an outstretched finger at him. “It is our duty to protect sentient beings! It’s one thing to wave our lightsabers hither and yonder against battledroids, but out there we are shooting down the very ones we have sworn oaths to protect them. What we’re doing here, what you’re ordering me to do is _murder!_ ” Barriss gasped as Master Krell grabbed her arm with two of his meaty hands. His lower left arm reached for one of his lightsabers, igniting a brilliant blue blade.

“You are out of line Padawan! Do not make me report this insubordination to the Council. Or, I could go right ahead and contact Master Unduli and tell her to come pick up her defective padawan!” Master Krell roared.

There were clones looking now, staring.

Barriss didn’t want Luminara to know. No. She did. She wanted Luminara to realize what they were doing, what was really going on all around them. The Jedi had been turned into murderous tools. And she simply couldn’t do it anymore. In this moment, if she could break free of Krell’s grasp she’d steal a ship, run away to Mandalore or _somewhere_ where _someone_ would understand her. Understand that this war was tearing the galaxy apart in more ways than one. But Krell’s grip was tight—and she could feel anger rolling off of him.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a padawan’s place to accuse a master of using the dark side. But if Master Krell could use the dark side, and rationalize “military prowess” behind it, why couldn’t she use it? Why couldn’t she use it to preserve lives instead of destroy them?

“Master Krell!” Ahsoka’s voice rang louder than Barriss thought she had ever heard it. “What are you doing?!” Barriss turned her head, Ahsoka had both of her lightsabers drawn, both ignited.

Master Krell deactivated his own blade. “Padawans Offee and Tano, you are to join Master Kenobi in his assault on the capital,” he ordered and promptly let go of Barriss’ now bruised arm.

Ahsoka let her lightsabers fizzle out and returned them to her belt. “Master Krell, Barriss and I are supposed to join up with Master Skywalk—”

“That is an order, _Padawan,_ ” he said, staring her down. Ahsoka didn’t falter. Didn’t even flinch.

“But—”

“An order! We do not win battles by arguing with your superiors, and we certainly do not win wars that way. Am I clear, Padawan?”

“Yes...Master,” Ahsoka muttered. Krell nodded and boarded a gunship which then took off, probably towards the surface. As soon as he was gone, Ahsoka turned towards Barriss, and reached out her hand, but Barriss quickly pulled her arm away. “What was all of that?” she asked.

“I suggested an ulterior method to winning the battle. Request denied,” Barriss said, giving the most bare-bones answer she could conjure at the moment.

Ahsoka jumped straight to _one_ of the issues at hand. “We can’t let him get away with hurting you like that, Barriss! It’s not right! A master should never lay a hand on an apprentice like that.”

Ahsoka was right, and Barriss’ arm stung, but that wasn’t what was bothering her. Okay, not the _only_ thing bothering her.

“Forget about it, Ahsoka. Let’s just...get this over with already,” she sighed, and headed towards a gunship.

“What? Barriss!” the Togruta called after her and followed. “We can’t just ignore what happened! He drew his lightsaber on you, we have to tell Anakin!”

“No Ahsoka,” she said sternly, climbing aboard the gunship. “We don’t. Master Krell was right, we have to do this,” the words pained Barriss as they escaped her mouth. But she wouldn’t win this fight, not today. She didn’t have the energy left. Yet, she could still carry herself. Still set out to wage war on the planet below. Perhaps it was her rage that was carrying her.

“I—”

“Drop it.”

Ahsoka complied and crossed her arms, pouting as she sat on a crate.The gunship doors slid closed. Barriss felt the hum of the engines and sound of hangar doors opening as she tried to center herself, a futile attempt. Every time she managed to slip close to something that resembled a calming trance, she was violently shaken back into the present, reminded that all around her Umbarans and clones were losing their lives, willingly sacrificing themselves to no end.

“I don’t like it when you get like this,” Ahsoka finally said.

“Like what?” Barriss asked, not bothering to turn around and see her friend.

“All moody. Is it a Mirialan thing? When you hit a certain point in puberty do you just—”

“Ahsoka!” Barriss was appalled, and slightly embarrassed. “No, no. It’s nothing like _that._ I’m quite sure our biology works the same way on that aspect,” she explained. Luminara had spent a painstaking amount of time going over that with her and then _a second time_ at Skywalker’s request to educate Ahsoka...

“Then what is it, Barriss? I just don’t understand what’s going on and it’s starting to worry me,” Ahsoka admitted.

The gunship rocked. They had broken into the atmosphere.

“Perhaps…” Barriss decided to go with false embarrassment would be easier to deal with at the moment than to actually talk this out with Ahsoka. They were about to enter a hot war zone...Ahsoka would never listen. “Perhaps it is my cycle. I’m not sure. Everything has been messed up lately…”

Ahsoka nodded. After a few minutes she said, “Hey, Barriss?”

“Yeah?”

“I want you to feel like you can talk about that stuff with me, okay? I mean Luminara _taught us both._ ” Barriss shuddered at the memory. “I never want you to feel em _barrass_ ed,” Ahsoka winked.

Barriss buried her face in her hands. “Malachor,” she swore, but a soft smile graced her face.

“Barriss?”

“Is this going to be another bad pun?”

“No.”

Barriss raised her face out of her hands to see Ahsoka’s arm outstretched, holding a familiar lightsaber hilt, but not her own.

“It’s Rylis’. We both knew you don’t really have much time to build a second lightsaber, and he decided to build an extra in case he ever lost his...so, we thought you should have his first one. Since it’s what you trained with.” Ahsoka offered the hilt to her, and Barriss took it.

“I...I don’t know what to say.”

“I even brought an extra belt clip for you, so that—” Ahsoka dropped the clip as the aft section of the gunship disappeared in a green, fiery explosion.

“Ahsoka!” Barriss yelled, reaching out to grab her friend with her free hand.

The ship rocked and Barriss slammed to the side, Ahsoka coming with her. The floor began to tip Barriss’ way, meaning the gunship was going in for a nose dive.

“Barriss!” Ahsoka called out, half-dangling out the gaping hole in the tail of the ship. “We have to jump!”

“What?” Barriss was going to argue, but as the ground began to slip away from her and now Ahsoka was the one holding her up, she decided this was probably the best course of action. “All right!”

Ahsoka pulled her up so that they were standing on what was left of the end of the ship. The planet surface was rapidly approaching at a quite alarming rate.

“On three okay?” Ahsoka prompted her. Barriss nodded. “One. Two. Three!” Following Ahsoka’s lead, Barriss jumped from the doomed gunship and fell roughly 150 meters to the surface of the planet, cutting away several branches of twisted purple trees with Rylis’—her—lightsaber.

Ahsoka landed in a crouch-roll while Barriss used the Force to slow her descent and land in a three-point crouch. Barriss stood up, slightly wobbly, and took in her surroundings. There was a large ball of fire a few clicks west of them—probably the gunship. The trees were twisted and dark purple, but gave off soft purple and red glows. Dark mist was everywhere, so Barriss lit both her lightsabers, prompting Ahsoka to do the same.

“Well, not the worst landing I’ve ever experienced,” Ahsoka announced rather cheerfully. Barriss noticed Ahsoka had cut her lip and had dirt and residue from the primary explosion on her.

“Forgive me, but that’s not reassuring,” Barriss admitted. They’d certainly wound up in a mess this time.

“C’mon, I think Obi-Wan’s forces are over this way!” Ahsoka started off one way and without protest, Barriss followed.

She could hear the sound of blaster fire and what she made out to be tank cannons, though she couldn’t be sure if they were Republic, Umbaran, or both. Whatever she heard, they were getting closer. They were on a street now, illuminated blue, similar to the blades of her lightsabers.

At some point, Ahsoka had started sprinting, maybe it was the approaching sound of footsteps that sent her off, perhaps it was the sight of a clone trooper, whatever it had been prompted her to evade Barriss’ sight. And now she was alone.

“Ahsoka!” Barriss called out, then quickly cursed herself for revealing her position. She heard heavy footsteps, but they weren’t Ahsoka’s.

Coming out from behind the dark greys of the fauna, Barriss spotted two Umbaran soldiers, their weapons raised. One of them yelled at her, but she couldn’t understand what they had said. She hadn’t been able to learn Umbaranese before they arrived in the system.

“I don’t want to fight you!” she yelled, hoping they understood basic.

They didn’t seem to understand her. They fired at her. She expertly deflected their blaster bolts and they yelled again out. There was a slight tremor in the Force before Barriss realized she was surrounded, but they studied her carefully.

“Please!” she cried out. “I’m a Jedi, I do not believe in this conflict and I wish to find a peaceful resolution. Perhaps if I could speak to your le—”

A shot.

Another.

And another.

A barrage of blaster fire aimed at Barriss. She twirled her lightsabers, deflecting the bolts, occasionally sending them back at the individual who had released the plasma bolt in the first place. She winced every time she felt another life be snuffed out by her hand. The Umbarans began to charge her, moving like shadows.

Blurs of white and purple moving past her, several discharges of green plasma that Barriss deflected using her blue blades. She dodged and swung and cut, spinning and jumping her way through carnage. But they just kept coming. Wave after wave, Barriss felt herself begin to tire. There were more in number than she had ever faced at once before. Never had she cut down so many sentients in one battle, never this number of Geonosians, and never this number of droids.

When it stopped, when no more came, the stench of burnt flesh filled Barriss’ nostrils. Her cloak was tattered and torn, cut and bearing several blaster-burn holes. She had utilized a lightsaber throw during the attack and now Rylis’—her—lightsaber was buried deep within one of the corpses, and she had no desire to retrieve it.

“Barriss!”

She wasn’t sure if it was Ahsoka’s voice. Or Master Kenobi’s. Maybe it was a clone who recognized her by her cloak—she had become close to some of the 212th while working with Master Kenobi—it didn’t matter. The voice was far and she didn’t care. All Barriss could hear was the screams. The screams and the dying grunts of those who fell by her blades. She felt a hand on her back, gloved, but it felt like a ghost, a dying hand reaching out to curse her, to damn her.

The world fell away as she looked up at the shadow-filled sky, the only sound she could make out; her own soft whisper, “Murderer.”

* * *

* * *

 “Padawan Offee!”

Barriss turned her head around to see the young Caleb Dume extending out his holojournal towards her.

“I finished!” he said.

She smiled at him and said, “Is that so?” She began to read it, a short train-of-thought paragraph on the youngling’s thoughts on pacifism.

“Padawan Offee?” Caleb quierried.

She drew her attention away from his work. “Hmm? What is it Caleb?”

“Well…” he ran his hand through his hair and pointed his toes inward. “I was wondering...why do some Jedi use two lightsabers like Padawan Tano. And why others don’t.” He looked up at her with huge, blue eyes.

Barriss smiled and put the datajournal on the desk beside her. “It’s a personal choice,” she said. “The Jedi are exempt from possessions, however our lightsabers are a part of us. They are essentially our lives and I suppose when we have no one else, we have them,” she explained and reached for her own hilt. “No two lightsabers are entirely identical. Even when copying the style of a classic saber or if one is creating a second hilt to mirror their first, they are unique to the user and the intricacy and delicacy applied during creation. The choice to use two, or even a saberstaff, revolves around the wielder's own mastery of different forms and how they apply this to their own personal style. Many can see the use of these styles as aggressive, however as I’m sure you’ve noticed the Temple Guard use saberstaffs and their intent is defense. Just as Master Yoda uses a shoto-style hilt as his main saber for his stature.”

He looked as if he was going to make a quip, but decided not to.

She continued: “It all is a personal reflection, Caleb. Your own lightsaber for instance,” he held it out to her, allowing her to hold it. She ran her hands along the cool, cylindrical metal until she found what she was looking for. “See here,” she twisted the emitter away from the pommel, separating the saber into two pieces. “Should you ever wish to conceal your identity as a Jedi, you can separate your hilt into these sections, then combine them again when you feel the time is appropriate for you to reveal yourself as a member of our Order,” she said, putting his saber back together and returning it to him.

“Do you know how to use two lightsabers together?” he asked.

“I do,” she admitted.

“Do you think you could teach me? I mean you never know when you might need two, right?”

Barriss let a slight chuckle slide from her. It warmed her heart to have a youngling asking for her instruction. “Perhaps one day, young one.”

“Thanks, Padawan Offee—for answering my questions” he smiled and gave her a quick nod, which she figured was meant to be a bow but with minimal effort. She remembered others doing it in her youngling days. Ahsoka still did it…

“It is my duty, young one. I’m curious however, what prompted them?”

“Oh.” He pointed behind her. “Padawan Tano is in the doorway.”

Barriss’ head snapped around. “Ahsoka!”

Ahsoka had just returned from—well she was _supposed_ to be on Mandalore—Carlac and sent Barriss a message saying she had to talk to her “ASAP,” but of course Barriss couldn’t abandon these younglings. Master Sinube entrusted her with his class while he spoke with Master Yoda about something, he didn’t mention what.

“Hey Barriss,” Ahsoka grinned, leaning against the doorframe. “Hi younglings!”

“Hello Padawan Tano!” many of the younglings called out. The few who didn’t recognize her followed suit after the others.

Barriss handed Caleb’s datajournal back to him. “This is good work, Caleb. Now pick a planet and a time period you want to research for the rest of the project.” He groaned but gave a “yes, Padawan” before returning to his seat. Barriss turned her attention to the Togruta who had interrupted her class. “Yes?”

“That’s all I get? A yes?”

“Ahsoka, I can’t do this right now, I told you. I’m here to watch over this class.”

“Fine, don’t let me stop you.” Ahsoka strode over and sat on the desk, much to Barriss’ dismay. “What are they learning about anyways?”

Barriss sighed and crossed her arms. “Pacifism through the ages. They’ll be writing a report about it in the coming weeks.” She was glad they could focus on something besides the war, something besides killing. The Jedi were keepers of the peace after all, they should know what peacetime means.

“Pacifism? There’s a war on Barriss! Don’t you think this is a waste of their time? They should be practicing battle strategies or, or something,” Ahsoka declared.

Barriss drew her brows together. “That’s exactly why they should be focusing on peace, Ahsoka. How can one hope to end a war if all we focus on is the fighting. Democracy has to prevail…” she crossed her arms. “If we keep throwing lightsabers and clones at the Separatists, they’ll just throw more droids at us. An endless cycle of unnecessary deaths.”

“You sound like Padmé,” Ahsoka muttered.

“Perhaps Senator Amidala is right then,” Barriss responded. How she would love to talk to someone who shared her views. Everyone in the Temple, even her closest friend, was too quick to choose violence. Though, perhaps it did have its place. It seemed as if violence was the only thing to catch the attention of the Jedi Council.

“You can’t fight a war with pacifism, Barriss. The Council doesn’t! Even Padmé knows that…”

“The Duchess of Mandalore does!”

“She isn’t fighting…”

“Precisely!” Barriss huffed.

“Barriss, how can we win a war if we don’t fight it…” Ahsoka reached out her hand to touch Barriss’ shoulder, but the latter pulled away. She hated this circumstance, this fight. _Hate._ No, she shouldn’t hate it. That’s wouldn’t be the Jedi way. But it angered her. But if anger and hate were used, were felt for the right reasons, could they be justified?

Ahsoka continued, “The Jedi Council stayed out of the Mandalorian Wars, and look how that turned out. If Revan hadn’t led the Revanchists against the Mandalorians, there would be no Republic. We’d be speaking Mandalorian right now and there’d be no Jedi Order.”

“There hardly was a Jedi Order after the war Malak and Revan waged,” Barriss reminded her. “They nearly wiped out the Jedi, Ahsoka. The Council was right then—”

“—No, they weren’t. They’re right now, they’re taking this threat head on!”

Barriss noticed the younglings had stopped doing there work and had all paused to look up at the two arguing Padawans, even the most studious of the bunch, Zett Jukassa, who _never_ got distracted—except when Caleb intentionally distracted him.

Barriss grabbed Ahsoka’s wrist and pulled her off the desk. “Back to work, younglings. I’ll check your progress when I return,” Barriss instructed, pulling Ahsoka into the hallway despite obvious protest.

“Barriss, what are you doing,” Ahsoka tore her hand away from Barriss’ grasp.

“I need you to leave, Ahsoka. You’re distracting my class—”

“Not until we resolve this!”

“Some things can’t be resolved, Ahsoka. We just have...different views on this matter.”

“Clearly,” Ahsoka jabbed. It stabbed Barriss through the heart.

“I don’t believe there’s anything further to discuss,” Barriss sighed. She hated this. She hated it so much. She couldn’t even talk to her _best friend_ without the matter turning into an argument. She supposed that’s what the Jedi do best nowadays: fight.

“Wait,” Ahsoka reached out and grabbed Barriss’ shoulder. “Can I at least tell you about Carlac?”

Barriss sighed. The younglings would still be there when she finished talking to Ahsoka. And it was a wild guess whenever Master Sinube would return. “All right,” she breathed.

“You’re right you know,” Ahsoka said. Barriss’ ears perked up. “There’s a lot of bad stuff happening without the Jedi there to stop it. Like the Death Watch. They’ve gone unchecked for too long, but I think I put a nasty thorn in their side for the time being,” she explained.

“I still don’t understand how you got to Carlac from Mandalore,” Barriss admitted. Ahsoka had left that part of the story out of her earlier messages.

“Lux.”

_Oh. Him,_ Barriss thought. “Your Separatist friend…” she said.

“He interrupted the meeting, the Seps tried to arrest him, take him back to Dooku to be killed. I couldn’t let that happen,” Ahsoka confessed. “He stunned me and when I woke up we were on Carlac and I had to save his sorry ass before he allied with Death Watch.”

_It’s not fair,_ Barriss thought. Ahsoka got to go to Mandalore, be in the presence of the leader of the Council of Neutral Systems and she _left_ for a _boy._ Barriss would kill for the opportunity to hear someone as wise and pacifistic as Duchess Satine Kryze. Although she didn’t have the same connection as Ahsoka did—priorly working for the Duchess and personally invited by Senator Amidala—there had to be some way for her to get there. Of course, she could just up and leave Coruscant, the Temple, the Order...but it was all she ever knew. No. She had to stay here. She had to try and fix things. Fix the Order before it consumed itself.

“Y’know it’s funny...well not really. He force it actually. And it made me really uncomfortable, but in the situation it certainly would have been worse if they discovered I was a Jedi than what he did…” Ahsoka rambled. Barriss focused in.

“What did he do?” the Mirialan asked.

“He kissed me.”

_Oh._ “Oh.”

“I didn’t want him to...but now...I don’t know, Barriss. Lux and I make a really good team. And now he’s off somewhere doing stars know what and I just hope he’s safe,” Ahsoka confessed.

Now this was the last thing Barriss wanted to talk about. “Be weary of your emotions, Ahsoka. Attachment is _not_ compassion.”

“I know, I know!” Ahsoka protested. “He’s just. He’s different. Like you, he, he doesn’t want to fight. I mean he does, he seeked out the Death Watch after all, but he wants something better you know? And Anakin always says, if we finally get peace, does it really matter how we get there?”

“I think Master Skywalker may have misinterpreted that quote. I’ve heard Master Luminara say it before, something she picked up from Master Kenobi. ‘The winding path to peace is always a worthy one, regardless of how many turns it takes,’” Barriss recounted.

“Isn’t that what I said?”

“I suppose,” Barriss shrugged her shoulders. Could it be true? Was peace really worth _anything?_ The sacrifice of one’s beliefs and principles? She didn’t know. She didn’t have all the answers and Master Luminara was deployed—she couldn’t ask her.

Ahsoka’s comlink began to buzz. She answered it and and a voice Barriss recognized as Obi-Wan Kenobi spoke through it clearly. “Ahsoka,” he said, “Anakin and I would like you to join us for dinner tonight. Master Unduli found an exotic sushi restaurant in the Old Galactic Market and we’re going to try it out.”

“I’d love to, Master,” she responded.

“Great. We’ll leave at nineteen-hundred hours. Meet us outside Anakin’s quarters.”

Ahsoka’s comlink switched off.

“Blast, I’m sorry I didn’t even ask. Would you like to come?” Ahsoka asked, a fresh smile plastered on her face.

Barriss felt sick, but she wouldn’t tell Ahsoka that. “Vegetarian, remember? I’m not sure I’d find anything at a _sushi_ place. No wonder Master Luminara never took me there.” Luminara and Master Kenobi could find all these strange and fantastic eateries, but Luminara only brought Barriss to the handful she thought her Padawan would enjoy. She was thankful for it, but at the same time wished she could still go. Even if to just drink water and maybe eat some rice. Barriss liked rice.

“Okay. Well, I should probably go get cleaned up before then,” Ahsoka smiled. “Do you wanna spar later? Help me work up an appetite?”

Before Barriss could form a reply, they heard a loud crash come from the room beyond. Younglings.

Barriss gave her friend a feeble smile and turned towards the classroom—and probable mess—awaiting her. “Perhaps. I’ll see you later, all right?”

* * *

* * *

 “Do you need any help finding anything?” a padawan asked. Or at least, Barriss assumed he was a padawan. He was old enough to be one, and Madame Jocasta didn’t usually have younglings on-staff.

“Oh, no I’m fine by myself, thank you,” she responded, making her way past the central librarian desk in the Archives and to the computer terminals by the Holocron vault.

“Are you sure?” the padawan asked. He was human, blonde, sapphire eyes. Barriss didn’t know his name, nor did she really care at this moment. She had more pressing issues to attend to…

“Yes I am sure,” she said curtly.

“I can be of great service to you! I know this place like the back of my lightsaber,” he explained. Barriss did too. She _really_ did not need his help.

“Look,” she said, whipping around to actually look at him. “Padawan, I don’t need your help, okay? I’m sure you’re very good at what you do but this Library is like my second home within the Temple. I know my way around and I. Don’t. Need. Your. Help.”

He looked shocked and began to retreat back to the main desk. She was glad Madame Jocasta was nowhere in sight to witness her outburst.

“I haven’t seen you here in some time,” he said, slumping his head onto the counter.

“I’ve been deployed,” Barriss said curtly, and paid him no more attention.

Once she sat at the computer terminal, she quickly went to work, bringing up personnel files.

> 14:49 | USER: AHSOKA TANO
> 
> 14:49 | PASSWORD: ONATAKOSHA
> 
> 14:50 | SEARCH FIELD: “Coruscant, Anti-War Activists”
> 
> 14:50 | RESULTS: 5000+
> 
> 14:51 | REDUCED SEARCH FIELD: “Coruscant, Anti-War Activists, Jedi Temple”
> 
> 14:51 | RESULTS: 200

Was Barriss really doing this? No.. No. She was just curious. Just curious.

> 15:01 | REDUCED SEARCH FIELD: “Coruscant, Anti-War Activists, Jedi Temple, Munitions”
> 
> 15:02 | RESULTS: 15
> 
> 15:02 | DISPLAY RESULTS? YES/NO
> 
> 15:17 | USER INPUT: YES

* * *

This part of Coruscant didn’t have much light from above, and Barriss couldn’t tell if any of it was natural. Though she assumed that none of it was sunlight. She had only come down here to clear her head, to just pretend for a while that she wasn’t a Jedi, that she wasn’t a murderer.

It had worked, for a while, until she came upon an anti-war protest. The persistent chants of Coruscanti people were just outside some warehouse, but there was a Weequay who was recording it with his holocam. She listened to them chant and yell and say terrible things about the Republic, about the _Jedi._ She agreed with them. How could she deny the facts? The Jedi were no longer what they claimed to be. No longer keepers of the peace. They were an army fighting for the dark side.

The Aqualish leading the protest yelled over the screams of the group: “They can’t keep us quiet! The Coruscanti People Against the War will meet tonight at sundown at the Cantina on level 1315! Join us and be part of revolution!”

Sundown was soon, in theory, Barriss should have gone back to the Temple so that she could meditate before she slept, but she wanted to hear what else these people had to say. What else these people agreed with her on.

Before making the descent too far down into the lower levels, Barriss had gone to a clothing store and bought slim-fit black pants and a shirt, as well as a black cloak to go along with it. She brought along a backpack in which she kept her usual garb and her lightsaber—in case she desperately needed to use it. She wouldn’t want anyone to recognize her as a Jedi, it would defeat her purpose for being here.

She couldn’t see the sun from here, but her wrist-chrono indicated it was 1900 hours, which she figured was close enough to sundown. Barriss found her way to the cantina on level 1315 that she was looking for. Nothing in particular made it stand out from the other cantinas and bars across the underworld, save the fact there was an armed guard in the doorway and the Jedi Order’s emblem with a big red X over it on the establishment's sign.

This was the place she was looking for.

“Little lady I think you’re lost,” a large, Rattataki man said, blocking her entry to the cantina.

“This is the meeting for ‘the Coruscanti People Against the War,’ is it not?” she queried.

“Members only,” he said, crossing his arms.

“I intend to become a member.”

“Members only,” he insisted.

“How can you get new members if you only accept members?” she protested.

“It’s all right Ansion,” a woman said. Barriss turned to see a human woman with dark hair, wearing a purple hat and purple clothing. “I’ll keep an eye on her.”

“All right.” The Rattataki nodded and moved aside, permitting the human and Barriss inside.

“It’s always a good sign to see more join our ranks,” the woman said as they walked inside. There wasn’t anyone else present, it seemed to be the first ones to arrive. “You must forgive Ansion, he’s always making sure some Jedi isn’t trying to infiltrate us. But you don’t look like the sort. You seem like you’re here on a mission. You carry yourself like one of us, but I must ask you, what do you want out of this?”

Barriss had considered that question before. What did she want out of this?

“I want to send a message,” she said. “I want to send a message to the Jedi that this war in unacceptable and must stop. But I can’t do it alone.”

The woman smiled. “I’m Letta Turmond,” the she said, extending her hand.

Barriss shook her hand. “Barriss. Barriss Offee.”

* * *

* * *

 It felt amazing to be in the Halls of Healing. Ever since returning from Umbara, Barriss had spent all of her time here. Well, all of her time that wasn’t otherwise taken up by her classes or preparing for the Trials...or with Letta Turmond. Some of this time would have been taken up by training with Master Luminara if she wasn’t still deployed. It had been four months since Barriss had seen her master in person, right before Barriss went to Umbara. They talked often, over holo, or even through electronic mail. Last week Barriss had actually received a handwritten _letter_ from her master. She had been pinned down on Callos and one of the natives who escaped on one of the relief ships brought the letter to her personally. Master Luminara had stayed behind to fight until her last breath…

Luckily, Master Fisto’s forces stopped the droids short of her position, and she was due back to Coruscant next month, right before Barriss’ trials. She still carried the letter in her boot, and she would until she saw her master.

The night shift wasn’t exactly slow tonight, but all the patients who could be asleep were, and the ones who were not, were being attended to by master healers. Barriss was in the storage room, finishing her nightly rounds by doing storage inventory. The droids were supposed to handle this, they _did_ handle it, but Barriss liked to double check. It helped calm her nerves.

"Hey" Ahsoka said, stepping into storage room.

Barriss would have groaned, but Ahsoka would have heard her. She sighed instead. _I didn’t lock the door,_ she thought. No, of course she didn’t lock the door. This was the storage room to the Halls of Healing, she didn’t _need_ to lock the door—Ahsoka didn’t have clearance here. Not that that would stop her. It never did...

"Hello, Ahsoka. How may I help you? Are you hurt?" Barriss asked, attempting to act like she was still on the job, which _technically,_ she was.

"I guess if you count the pain inflicted by the fact that you're avoiding me," the Togruta replied, a slight scoff in her voice, but there was a hint of sincerity in her words.

"Oh. I've just been...I...I've been busy here, in the Halls..."

"You're always busy," Ahsoka said curtly and sat on a crate full of syringes. Barriss desperately hoped the lid wouldn’t bust under her weight.

"There's so many people to heal, Ahsoka. I have to help them..." she sighed and finished her logs. She stood up and left the storage room, hoping Ahsoka would follow her only so that she wouldn’t end up with several syringes...in places Barriss rather not help her remove them from. That would be a long night, and Ahsoka would _never_ let Barriss live it down.

"It looks pretty slow out here,” Ahsoka said, following her. “C'mon, Barriss, let's go practice your dual wielding. I bet you could beat me this time, even though we haven't done it in a while..."

It was true, they hadn’t spared since before Umbara. Barriss didn’t feel like becoming more of a deadly weapon than she already was. She’d knew what she could do. Using two lightsabers was something she was good at, really good at, but to her it was a sign of further violence. Ahsoka used two lightsabers, and despite being one of Barriss’ favorite beings—a rather short list—she was quite violent.

Barriss began to tidy up the hall they were in, putting away loose supplies and setting the medical pods to stack on top each other until activated again. She was doing everything but answering Ahsoka.

"Barriss?"

Barriss stopped, she had to give her some type of answer. "I do not feel like fighting tonight, Ahsoka."

"It's not fighting, it's sparring!" Ahsoka said, her eyes wild with excitement.

"Close enough," Barriss muttered into her shoulder, unsure if Ahsoka actually heard her.

"It's been so long!” Ahsoka nearly whined. “We haven't honed your Jar'Kai skills since before Umbara." Barriss shuddered, and Ahsoka raised a brow.

"No," Barriss said sternly. "I don't want to spar."

"Okay. Okay." Ahsoka put her hands up, palms out towards Barriss in a calming fashion. "Well, how about we go down to the Room of a Thousand Fountains and build you a second lightsaber? You've gotten so go-"

"No."

"But you said-"

"What I said...I said before Umbara." Barriss hadn’t deployed again after that campaign, she just _couldn’t_. Ahsoka, on the other hand had engaged in several wild adventures: Kadavo, Mandalore and Carlac with the Bonteri kid Ahsoka frequently “only infrequently” mentioned, Orondia, Onderon— _again with the Bonteri kid_ —Ilum and Florrum with a group of younglings that she had chaperoned their Gathering—lost the _Crucible_ , an ancient ship that was a place of tradition for stars sake—and she knew that soon she was going to ship out to Manaan and then Cato Neimoidia. Ahsoka had offered to have Barriss come along with her and Master Skywalker, but she declined.

"What does Umbara have to do with anything, Barriss?"

_Everything,_ she thought. "Nothing," she said. "I've just had time to think since then," she added.

"Think about what?" Ahsoka asked.

_You wouldn’t understand. You haven’t had time to stop and think! You just keep going off and running your lightsabers through people without even thinking about it! It’s forbidden to kill! Punishable by death. Until of course it’s in large numbers to the sound of thunderous applause. Then, only then, is murder acceptable. You’re a murderer, I’m a murderer, every Jedi that was at Umbara is a murderer. At Geonosis. On countless other worlds…_

Barriss snapped back to the present moment, Ahsoka looking at her with worry in her bright blue eyes. She didn’t want to talk about her thoughts. _She did,_ but she doubted Ahsoka would listen. Not the way she wanted her too. "None of the Council dual wields, Ahsoka,” she said. “It's irregular, unorthodox."

Ahsoka frowned, but didn't seem exactly offended. "Anakin's unorthodox and he doesn't dual wield."

"I never said they go hand in hand," Barriss sighed.

"And plenty of Jedi do. Like Master Bulq"

"None of the Council..." Barriss knew her protest was a weak one, but it was the only one she could conjure on the spot. She had thought about this a lot, this conversation, but despite practicing it over thirty times it in the ‘fresher, she couldn’t get the words out she wanted.

"Is that what you want Barriss? To be on the Council?" Ahsoka asked. There was shock in her voice but her face suggested she had thought the thought before.

_No. I want to stop them._

"Yes. No. I don't know,” she replied. “Ahsoka. Just let it be okay..." Desperate to end this conversation, Barriss walked out of the main hall of the Halls of Healing and into the Temple corridors. Maybe tomorrow, maybe any other time than now. She could tell Ahsoka what she really thought, what she felt. How the Council was corrupt and was leading the Jedi down the path of the dark side. She could tell Ahsoka the anguish she felt after Umbara, after all the lives she had taken. Lives taken from beings who believed they were the heroes, and the Jedi villains—and perhaps they were right. Beings who were parents and siblings and children. Beings who otherwise wouldn’t have fought; healers like Barriss herself, teachers, farmers, bright younglings who had barely completed schooling and picked up a gun to defend themselves from her.

Maybe. Maybe she would tell Ahsoka later that night. Maybe she would stop what was already in motion. Though, she supposed it wasn’t already in motion, was it? She and Letta hadn’t actually _done_ anything. They only talked. Swapped their opinions and _potential_ ways of getting the Order’s attention.

Barriss just needed to get away, to think about it more, to talk to herself in the ‘fresher.

But of course...

"Barriss!"

...Ahsoka called after her.

* * *

 Ahsoka wasn't going to give up that easy. Something was bugging Barriss, and as usual, Ahsoka couldn't tell what. _Sometimes,_ Ahsoka could figure out what was bugging Barriss, but that was usually because she had her face buried in a datatext that was written about the thing in question. There was no datatext here, no Holocron, not even a sour campaign report. Just Barriss, and Ahsoka running after her.

"Barriss?" she nearly shouted.

Barriss stopped and turned towards her. "What?" She sounded utterly exhausted, it was plastered across her face, her eyes sullen.

"Are you okay?" Ahsoka asked softly.

"Yes…” the answer had come too quick. “Just a lot of stress here in the Halls...so many come back wounded. Some, there's nothing I can do but ease their pain before they…” she took a long, uninterrupted pause. “And I have the Trials coming up in a few weeks."

Ahsoka wrinkled her nose. "Let's get out of here, yeah? We can focus on something else..."

"Like building a second lightsaber?"

Ahsoka snorted. _Finally,_ she thought. "If you want to," she said.

Barriss sighed. "I'm okay with my single blade. No dual wielding for me! No curved hilts, no lightwhips, saberstaffs..."

"What if the saberstaff spun?" She took her longer lightsaber off her belt—not activating it, because lightsabers were only to be activated in Temple in training rooms. One hadn’t been activated outside of that since...well since Ahsoka had fought a Clawdite impersonating Madame Jocasta—and levitated it, demonstrating the spinning motion. “Whoshhhhh,” Ahsoka grinned. “Just like that,” she said, catching her hilt in mid-air, “but maybe with like a ring around the hilt, the blades spinning out of this discy-thingy.” It was a ridiculous idea; plus, a skilled saberstaff Master could easily spin his weapon without mechanical aid. But when she mentioned the idea to Anakin, he had liked it. He even drew up schematics for what one might look like. He said one the war was over, maybe they could go into the toy-selling business, make a fortune off Skyguy and Snips’ Spinning Lightsabers—Anakin had insisted that his name go first, despite it being Ahsoka’s original idea.

"Do those even exist?" Barriss almost laughed; almost. Ahsoka did laugh. “I think I’ll stick with my simple, blue-bladed, cylindrical saber.” She smiled softly. “Plus, there’s no time to go out and let another crystal find me,” she added. Jedi didn’t find their lightsaber crystals, their crystals found them.

Ahsoka shrugged. After a few moments, smirking, she said, "Hey if we don't have time to get a natural crystal you could always make your own. A nice and sinister red one."

Barriss seemed taken aback. Perhaps Ansoka had taken the joke too far. "I'm not sure if that would suit me," she said, visibly horrified at the idea.

Ahsoka decided to press it further in jest. "Oh come on, a red lightsaber would suit you great! You already dress in all black! You'd just have to take off your cloak!" Barriss gently pulled at the fabric of her hood, a mixed expression on her face.

"I'm only kidding, Barriss." Ahsoka said, using her elbow to nudge the Mirialan's side.

"I know," Barriss said in almost a whisper.

Ahsoka draped her arm around Barriss' shoulders as they walked on. They were tense at first, but seemed to relax under Ahsoka’s touch. Just barely. She decided to lighten the mood, "I mean, there's crazier ideas. Like if the Council were all dark siders!"

Barriss looked shocked, then broke into an uncomfortable laughter, which then bled into a genuine laughing-turned-coughing fit. When she recovered, Barriss grinned and and made sounds Ahsoka could only classify as "giggling."

"What?" Ahsoka asked, her hand now caressing Barriss' back after assisting her through her coughing fit. They had stopped walking so Barriss could catch her breath. The hallway was otherwise empty. And silent. The windows on her right—Barriss’ left—reached almost to the high, 15 meter ceiling above them.

Barriss stopped coughing. She had this serious look on her face, as if she was going to spill her heart out. It almost appeared guilty, but, also contemplative. It was the look Barriss had given her the first time Ahsoka asked her for research help for one of her classes. It wasn’t too long after Geonosis; Ahsoka needed to write a paper on the Mandalorian Wars, so she sought out the expert on that time period.

“Barriss?” Ahsoka had called out, startling her friend who was deep in meditation. She didn’t appear to have heard Ahsoka enter her room.

“Ah-Ahsoka,” Barriss had said. “How may I help you?”

“Paper due for my history block, Major Republic Conflicts. Mandalorian Wars.”

“Oh,” Barriss smiled and spread her fingers out over her skirt. “I know just the texts you need in the Archives. One moment.” It had been the first time Ahsoka had seen Barriss’ hair: short, dark brown—almost black, maybe it was black but appeared lighter pressed against the _darker black_ of Barriss’ balaclava. When Barriss had finished fixing her hair under her freshly dawn cloak—which was longer than the one she had worn on Geonosis—they went to the Archives.

They had spent hours there. After copying several files onto her own personal datapad, getting scolded by Barriss for “plagiarism”—which, it really wasn’t. Ahsoka hadn’t _stolen_ words from the texts, more like, _borrowed_ , and she rearranged them into her own speech—intense spouts of typing, a midnight snack—it was literally midnight—and another scolding from Barriss on how “Revan was a renegade, not a martyr,” Ahsoka had finally finished her paper.

“I’ll proof it for you tomorrow if you want,” Barriss yawned, her hand fixed in a seemingly uncomfortable angle to prop up her head.

“Oh that’s all right, I have to turn it in tomorrow,” Ahsoka had answered, a cheeky grin on her tired face.

Barriss’ eyes went wide and she let her face fall to the table—it hadn’t slammed, more of a gentle smack. “Why do you always wait until the last moment…” she sighed.

She didn’t know, it was something Ahsoka had always done. Either she did it the first time it came to her, or she let it go until it was _almost_ too late. But it never ended up biting her in the lekku...

Fully recovered from Barriss Offee’s Great Coughing Catastrophe, Barriss finally spoke, "You know what's an even crazier idea?" Ahsoka shook her head. "What if the Chancellor was a Sith Lord?"

It was now Ahsoka's turn to experience a laughing-turned-coughing fit now. She found herself on the ground in the humorous agony. Barriss got down on her knees and crouched over her as if she were going to use one of her healing techniques.

Ahsoka held out her hand in protest, letting the coughs run their natural course, her head now against Barriss' thigh. _The Chancellor as a Sith Lord?_ she thought, still laugh-coughing. As ludicrous as an idea as it was, Ahsoka could believe it. He had this eery thing about him, but was nothing more than a harmless old grandpa-type. But she’d believe it before she could even fathom the thought of Barriss wielding a red lightsaber.

 

 


End file.
